Robo-Piper announces that he will not be doing things!

Johnny Piper leaves the White House..

Wow, it feels like we just keep saying goodbye right as this page gets going–first the Pink Lady, now the mayor.

This afternoon I (as well as several of my friends) received a call from an auto-dialer featuring the silky smooth alto of Clarksville’s mayor Johnny Piper. Much like the automatic greeting at the McDonald’s drive-thru, Johnny made the effort to personally get his robot to call me!

The call started off simple enough… the message went on and on about how he single-handedly saved the city from the ruins of the 1999 tornado, built a marina, brought in one million new jobs and stopped the Muslims from winning the war on first-class mail. He seemed to forget the years when he wasn’t actually mayor between his previous and current terms (although those years were rather forgettable). At this point I wasn’t sure if he wanted money, was announcing his campaign for “Gover-colonel-ator Hand of God”, or was waiting for everyone to come to his house to give him a high five.

But then it came; the end of an era (again). Rowdy Johnny Piper announced his intention to not run for Mayor when his current term expires. Really? You called me to let me know you weren’t going to do something? If you were going to do that, you might as well have announced you weren’t going to eat tacos for dinner or you weren’t going to have a bowel movement until sometime next week because your fiber intake has been a bit low.

Johnny Piper leaves the White House

You won't have Piper to kick around anymore...

So is this the end? Or will he get his FDR 3rd term fever in another few years when he’s fallen out of the spotlight and thinks Clarksville should build a ladder to Heaven? Either way, it should be an interesting year. I he will get caught trying to sell Chinese counterfeit Nintendo Wii’s to pawn shops in New Providence, but I could be wrong.