Campbell Yard Sales – Creepy Bargains

Hey folks,
I’m sure most of you tech-savvy locals already know about CampbellYardSales.com. It’s where deploying soldiers dump electronics they can’t keep and where divorcing military wives dump all their old clothes, fully expecting to purchase new clothes when alimony starts rolling in.

Well, we at ClarksvilleWTF have sniped a few HAWT HAWT buys and want to pass them on to you before they’re gone. Here we go!

First item up for bid???

    That is a lot of food.

Yep, it’s a pile of…food. We’ve got the classic American meal of 3.25 gallons of milk. For some reason the seller decided to buy several gallons and then added on one quart, presumably to freeze for the lean months.

Next, we have 3 boxes of Honey Bunches of Oats. I first thought that this might be collectible since I didn’t realize this cereal was still being made. But what do you know? This wheaty shrapnel exists, and now it can be yours.

Finally we have 4 tasty loaves of bread. Want to re-tile the kitchen? Trying to make the largest multilayer French toast plate? This will get you going!

How much would you pay for all this? How ’bout 5 dollars? No? Oh well, maybe you’d prefer to sell your merchandise and make a lil’ money on the side?

Next we have…

    Welcome home!

What a sweetly disturbing gesture! A young dame wishes to welcome home her brave hero with a little D-I-Y Cat West session. I’m actually impressed at the fact that she gave herself 3 weeks of planning. Most women I know aren’t good planners and would probably not buy one until the day before. She obviously wants to practice.

But I can’t approve of her methods. She wants a stripper pole…on CampbellYardSales.com. Does she realize how much ass crack sweat, bacon grease, and drunken tears have been smeared all over the poles she might find here? She might want to use her new pole wearing this sexy outfit to prevent contamination. Sure, it’s not sexy. But neither is getting salmonella in your hoo-hah.

ITEM NUMBER 3!

OK, I don’t even…

Is this a joke? Is this seller seriously giving away 80 cents worth of candy (they’re clearly Valentines Day candy, which is going at 75% percent off).

They aren’t holding it. Also, you must come to their house to get it. Isn’t this how Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped?

This reminds of something:

This is a trap folks, I apologize. Stay away.

6 Comments

  1. Joe Blow

    LMAO! The Herbert clip was great! But you’re right about CampbellYardSales.com…STAY AWAY!!!

  2. Clarky McClarksville (Post author)

    If you want to avoid inappropriate touching due to meeting people at the wrong place, I’d suggest meeting at the most public place possible to complete transactions.

    I’ve found a lot of people recommend Starbucks. Hard to mug someone with 3 hipster baristas staring at you… Well I guess it’s not really THAT hard. But it’s much more awkward.

  3. Lucynda

    You know that first one is WIC food.

  4. Clarky McClarksville (Post author)

    Well in that case I’m very disappointed…WHERE’S THE JUICY JUICE?

    Must have been the only thing they kept.

  5. Wildman

    They probably kept it since Juicy Juice makes a great mixer for their Boone’s Farm and Mad Dog.

  6. lll

    its all wic foods. There are people out there that needs that, but dont qualify due to being a few dollars over the income like I am. they should be reported to the local agency The qt of milk and the fact that its 2% says its food from either a pregnant lady or a kid over 2

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