TONIGHT. . . CLARKSVILLE PUB CRAWL BRAWL


If you wanna die tonight, whether it be from fighting or from alcohol poisoning, you have an important decision to make. Clarksville’s businesses have once again decided to not play nice with each other, making sure that you have to pay twice to get the same amount of mediocre entertainment you’d only want to pay for once.

Clarksville has two pubic crawls this evening, which one will you choose?

“The Original Pub Crawl”

This Pub Crawl throws down the gauntlet first, telling the other crawl to get on its knees and start sucking, not realizing that they both will actually suck. This one is literally a crawl in the fact that it only goes from one block of Franklin Street to one block of Legion Street (AKA Strawberry Alley AKA The Artist Formerly Known As Slave-Farmed Plains). Basically it’s the exact same thing they do for free during the summer, holding concerts outside and overcharging inside. Except this time YOU GET TO PAY 10 BUCKS! WHAT A DEAL! WELCOME HOME SOLDIERS, GIVE US YOUR FUCKING MONEY.

Check this quote from a reveler on the L.C.

“There’s good music, good people. It’s a rare event for Clarksville.”

Indeed, good people in Clarksville are rare.

“Party Bus Pub Crawl”

Want a little more anti-environmentalism with your drinking? Well hop on the bus and be whisked away to several scary locales that I’ve never of before. This Crawl has decided to keep rolling, despite the fact that Franklin Street businesses have purposely told everyone else to lick their blarney stone. Tens of drunk people on a bus sound like a great idea (not really), especially if this happens:

Be sure to yell “WOOOO!” at the bus driver every time you board the bus, because I’m sure he’ll LOVE that. Right before he purposely plunges the vehicle into the Cumberland River with a bus full of drunk dicks inside.

Have fun, and don’t get arrested!!! You wouldn’t want to end up on this page…

Quick Details: Both of them, 10 bucks. Franklin St. Drunk Thing starts at 7PM. Murderbus Crawl starts at 6PM.

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