Keeping the Kids Warm This Summer

Wait, what?

There must be some misprinted pamphlets on parenting down at the Red Cross, because Clarksville has had THREE incidents this year of moms leaving their kids in hot automobiles while they’re out doing WHO THE HELL knows what (or who lol).

Sunday around 1 P.M. two 8-week old infants and a 5 year-old girl were strapped up in an SUV while their mom went shopping…at the Dollar Tree. That’s right, she couldn’t be bothered to bring her kids into the super-classy ERRRRTHANG A DOLLA’ store. I guess she thought they’d embarrass her in front of the teenager that inflates balloons. Did she think they’d break something? If so, she might have been forced to pay for it with, well, ONE DOLLAR (oh wait, plus tax!!! That shit is expensive!)

The conclusion of this story is as follows. Concerned citizens were able to unlock the door and get a child out while the cops were being summoned. Temperatures registered 106 degrees near the steering wheel and 154 on the dashboard. Hopefully the infants were not placed on the dashboard, but in this f-up’s case who knows. She sounds smart enough to think they’d absorb the sun’s rays so the car wouldn’t be so hot when she hopped back in.

(click to enlarge)

She was arrested, of course, and had her bond set at $15,000. Can you imagine how much worthless crap that would buy you at the Dollar Tree? Actually, I’m sure you could empty it out with that much cash.

But that’s not the only case of “Plump When You Cook Kids” mothering this year. Two more incidents in April involved a 1-year old and and 8 month, 2 year, and 3 year-old, respectively.

What happened to insane, neglectful moms drowning their children? Why has slow-roasting them become the new trend? Did a Kardashian or some VH1 Reali-tard do it to their kid as an alternative to parenting? Does “Teen Mom” have GE’s microwave division as a corporate sponsor?

Clarksville’s vicious cycle keeps getting, um, vicious-er. Here’s one example that has played out over and over:

1. Clueless 18-year old army dude meets vapid whore.
2. Two to three unfortunate children are mistakenly brought into this world.
3. Imperfect couple divorces after random cheating by both idiots.
4. Mom is considered lesser of two evils, raises kids in backseat of hot car.
5. Mom jailed, grandparents raise bitter children.
6. Children grow up to be people in step 1.

It doesn’t have to be an “army dude”. It doesn’t have to be two or three kids. But the bottom line is that dumb adults are having dumber children.

I don’t have an answer as I’m just some guy bitching on the Interwebz. I just want to pass on two words of sage advice to all you young people out there:


Seriously, you suck at life. Clarksville fellas, I wouldn’t trust you putting a sandwich in a paper bag, so I sure as hell don’t think you know how to put a condom on. Ladies, you always forget to carry “feminine products” even when you know what time of the month it is. So I know there’s no way you’ll ever remember to take a birth control pill every day.

Guys, go here (NOT SAFE FOR WORK) or here (VERY NOT SAFE FOR WORK) and get it all out of your system. Ladies, go here or here and get all those “emotional needs” fulfilled.

The only people that raise successful kids these days are Mormons, and I’m sure none of them read this site. But then again, even THEY screw up, so maybe they should stop fucking too.

Stop ruining the lives of future children. Get back to ruining your own life.


  1. M.Mraz


  2. JDOE

    Same pig crap happened in hopkinsville in front of east meets west the other day, parents thought it was okay that they left their 3 kids in the hot heat… then again no one called the cops and let them get away with it…

  3. summer


  4. Tu Yung

    @JDOE why didn’t YOU call the cops?

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