Braking Badly


If you were mixing a concoction of prescription-strength pills, drain cleaner, and battery acid, you’d probably want to do it on a sturdy, level surface in a well-ventilated building. Second best choice in Clarksville? Moving car on a major highway.

The Chronic Leaf reports on Dr. Derp and the Medicine Show (i.e. four idiots in a 1999 Honda) driving down MLK Jr. Parkway trying to make methamphetamine on the move Thursday night.

A 24-year old passenger was mixing the happy little pot of fail when an assplosion occurred. The driver pulled over, striking some concrete. This combination caused a new and improved explosion coming from the gas tank. This led to the entire vehicle burning down to the gwound.

The man making the meth was taking to Vanderbilt for second-degree burns. Hopefully they will also examine him for (additional) brain damage and then possibly hand him a pair of hedge clippers and ask him to complete the 100-meter hurdles with a blindfold. All other peeps were caught and arrested.

Everything about this story reeks of failure and ignorance. Granted, if you were one of the stupidest people in the Volunteer state, you also would probably think a moving vehicle would make the meth mix quicker:

“WE’RE DRIVING 55 MPH WHILE MAKING METH’, THAT MEANS OUR DRUGS WILL BE READY 55 MINUTES FASTER HYUK!”

Or maybe, just maybe, these guys are brilliant future pharmacists on the edge of a breakthrough in meth-making technology. Think about it. The most annoying thing about meth, besides tooth loss, brain damage, and strychnine poisoning, is the fact that you can’t just throw the ingredients in your purse and go. If given the proper amount of funding, just imagine what they could have invented…

Look out Marie Curie and Louis Pasteur, you ’bout to be hit with the science stick!

4 Comments

  1. MooCow

    Holy crap! I’ve laughed so hard I think I got a hernia! SO much better than the coverage in the Comical. er. the “Chronic Leaf”! ROFLMFAO!!! Keep up the excellent work!

  2. Bung

    derp!

  3. David Russell

    Im sure this isnt the first time in America that there was some drug activity on a MLK Blvd.

  4. sofa king awesome

    I know I’m late but that was a funny read. Thanx!

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