Help Our Returning Ft. Campbell Troops

As soldiers return from Iraqistan, I’m sure that some will struggle to get their lives back to normal. Let’s be supportive of our returning troops by giving them some sage advice. Here’s a handy list with some answers to questions you might get from your favorite soldier. Maybe this will help him get used to living in Clarksville again.

  • That rectangle thing everyone is staring at is called an iPhone.
  • That Hooters waitress is not interested, and thinks you all look alike.
  • No, there weren’t this many Chinese restaurants when you left.
  • No, there weren’t this many tattoo shops when you left.
  • Bars were cheaper and traffic was better while you were gone, but we forgive you.
  • Domestic Assault is not the name of the new Chuck Norris movie.
  • Yes, that probably is your guitar on
  • Don’t ask your wife how she could afford those new shoes.
  • Separate bank accounts aren’t the worst idea in the world.
  • Yes, Austin Peay State University costs more. No, it’s not any better.
  • No, we don’t know why the Tap Room looks like a pirate ship now.
  • There are no strawberries on Strawberry Alley.
  • More bars = More places to get arrested
  • If she looks 18, she’s 15.
  • Freedom isn’t free. Inexplicably, neither is the price to get into O’Connor’s pub.
  • Little Caesar’s 5 dollar pizza is your new best friend.
  • Despite the name, Redbox does not have any porn.
  • Peacher’s Mill sounds classy, but no, just…no.
  • If you think your wife is bigger, that’s because she is.
  • Yes, Clarksville sucked this much when you left.

In addition to these tips, might we suggest you point your soldier to THIS ARTICLE that explains the world of love? He’ll be better for it, we promise!

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