Hell Freezes Over, Marina to Open in June

Let’s hand it to Mayor Kim “McCheese” McMillan. She takes over for the most hilarious stereotype of a corrupt mayor and finds a way to push his dumbest idea ever to the point of completion.

That’s right, the often ridiculed Clarksville Marina will apparently be opening in June. Soon, the few people in Clarksville that have boats will be spending their weekends hanging out in Clarksville, slowly wasting away and waiting to die.

With the grand opening so close, let’s take a quick look back at the history of this project:

What an amazing tale...

Wow, what a glorious road it’s been…

With its impending arrival, let’s help all you “non-boat-havers” out with a few handy tools.

First of all, don’t cry like a little girl about not having a boat (yet). Here’s several handy resources on creating your own watery traveller. Just grab your least favorite issue of the Leaf Chronicle and get to folding!

You're welcome

Next, you’ll need an over-played song to quote OVER AND OVER until your fellow seafarers are ready to drown you:

Note: you must be this much of a whore to get away with this.

OK, finally you’ll need a douchy costume to look like Mr. Howell from Gilligan’s Island. Don’t forget your ascot!

Alright, looks like your ready! We’ll see you at the docks in June!


  1. angie

    thanks to Mayor McMillan and her awesome hair to finally finish up this foolishness. I’m still jealous cause I don’t own a watercraft of any kind, bummer!

  2. MarinaGood-PiperBad

    Clarksville needed the marina and the park is shaping up to be fantastic. Better our crappy city leaders spend the money on something everyone can use instead of lining their own pockets for a change.

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