Kids Aspire to be the Best…in Clarksville

So there’s a kid’s talent show (well, ages 3 to 20) at the upcoming Rivers and Spires. They’ll be dancing, singing, and living out the dreams of their parents on Friday the 20th downtown.


Word is that they had around 800 kids audition. Of this group, only 27 made it to the show. Beatings and beratings were administered to the other 773.



Of course, the real humor in all this comes through in the comments by the coordinator. She said that one of the contestants is “probably Whitney Houston’s replacement.” I can only assume she means that she can sing and not that coroners will be pulling her body out of a bathtub in 30 years after a cocaine binge. Another kid will be singing country music, but doubles as a model for Hollister…you know, Hollister, the brand all great country legends wear. Oh, he’s also a model? We all remember the great clothing line that Chet Atkins showed off in Esquire.


Few people remember Brooks and Dunn and their time at Hollister...


One group is bragged about by saying that “Little Big Town better watch out on them…” Whoever the hell Little Big Town are, I’d guess they’d best be careful (I’m aware they are headlining Rivers and Spires, but that’s a sad tale all its own).


I hope this girl shows up…

But you know, I’m not just here to berate kids trying to win some cash and get some much-needed attention and self esteem. It’s actually somewhat nice for them to think that Clarksville is supporting local talent…until you realize Clarksville’s history of supporting local talent.


Or should I say the lack thereof? Clarksville has continually gone out of its way to ensure that musical artists living IN CLARKSVILLE feel alienated. The city makes every effort to pull in talent from Nashville whenever possible (see…all the headliners).


Local bars only want bands that can play the same 15 Bad Company songs, and then they pay them the same amount they could have made running the drive-thru window at Taco Bell. For some reason, once the 12-year old singing sensation becomes a 25-year old adult that pours her passion into music or the guitar, Clarksville instantly stops giving 2 shits.


Hope you kids like "Heaven"


I actually hope for the best for all these singing and dancing kids. Despite my sarcasm, I hope they grow into amazing artists. With that in mind, I hope they also realize that they’ll need to take the “first train outta Clarksville” to find anyone that will give them the support they need to be successful.


  1. sofa king awesome

    Thanks WTF! I’ve officially discovered the end of the internet.

  2. Sandy McSango

    Clarky, you fat SOB: did you write this entry while sitting on a couch at the coup? or were you sitting next to a roller derby girl at kelly’s?

  3. Justice

    You should totally go to Rivers and Spires and make a documentary film about the land of broken dreams (and lard) that is this vast wasteland people call “Clarksville”. Nothing epitomizes Clarksville’s very essence like people sitting on the corner eating big turkey legs and listening to songs about Jesus.

  4. Clarky McClarksville (Post author)

    I’m hoping to be out of town for the ol’ River Uninspired, but sometimes Clarksville will just drag you back in…
    Also, I wrote this from a Starbucks in Green Hills, because even though it’s further south it’s still easier to look down on Clarksville from there.

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