Clarksville-Opoly: A Bored Game Remake Challenge

When’s the last time you played a good ol’ game of Monopoly, the “Fast-Dealing” Property Trading Game? If you can’t answer that, then that puts you in the majority of the Earth misremembering the last time they sat around a table for 3 hours waiting for the game to end before giving up and putting it back in the Goodwill pile. But for some reason, there’s a company that makes “OPOLY” games, and they believe people will buy them for “Tennessee’s Top Spot” (are we still using that slogan? I honestly don’t remember).

Here’s a screenshot of it–let’s cover the lowlights…

Click to Enlarge

  So it looks like it has all your favorite CLARKSVILLE stops like:

  • Fort Campbell…OK
  • Port Royal State Park (Technically in Adams)
  • For some reason there’s a spot for “Historic” (lol) Downtown Clarksville, but then also spots for The Blackhorse, The Downtown Market,  and the Customs House Museum. So explain that location-based puzzle
  • Riverfest is there, as well as the no-longer-existing Rivers and Spires. They’re listed as costing $175, but I wasn’t sure if they just got that confused with the fine for public intoxication at the events.
  • As far as why the Clarksville Speedway is next to College Street and not Needmore Road, your guess is as good as mine.
  • Speaking of roads, why are we featuring the always shooty Peacher’s Mill Road? Is there like a side quest drug run? Because I’m down for that adventure. 

So let’s address the first big issue–this game doesn’t seem to be very accurate. I mean, there’s a bunch of random words that name things in Clarksville, but it’s no different than your friend that just started naming random hockey terms at work and then talks about being a huge Nashville Predators fan.  Yep, it’s a big phony.

Well never fret Clarksville gang (no..not that gang, just the metaphorical gang).  We have come up with a few great designs that really rep the city by the bleh.

First up:


Click to biggify

THAT’S SO MUCH BETTER. If there isn’t at least 24 Sonic’s on the board, it ain’t Clarksville, son. Hell, there’s even a Sonic at the jail and then a “GO TO SONIC”, so you know it’s accurate (I assume prisoners at the jail sneak in cherry limeades and tots in lieu of cigs).

Next up is more of a work in progress, but I think it gets the point across:

I haven’t really figured out the blanks…maybe sources of Clarksville-based debt? I figured this could be a great sponsorship deal for Clarksville–TN Quick Cash always seems to pop up and put their blinding ugly neon sign wherever they aren’t wanted. And HEY! Did you noticed the celebrity appearance to meet you when you get thrown in jail for failing to pay your loans?

YUP, IT’S YOUR GIRL GRUMPY. Brilliant huh? 

No? OK, last one. I did more of a box design here:

Imagine it for a moment…you go around picking up lo mein noodles, General Tso’s, pizza and chicken nuggets. Instead of going to jail you could…hell, I don’t know, get flaming diarrhea or something. Kids could bump into and knock your plate over, and you lose all your money tipping the hibachi guy and feeding the fish (but seriously, tip the hibachi guy–he looks so sad).

Well that’s just a few entries in our brainstorming session for Clarksville-opoly. If you’d like to fund these, please visit our Kickstarter or GoFundMe or whatever.

Annnnnnd if you really want to punish your kids for losing their iPhones, you can pick up a copy of the actual Clarksville-opoly at Walmart (or possibly Dollar Tree in like 4 months).

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