Fast food places deserve fast reviews. I’m going to assume you know what the menus look like, so let’s just look at how much they don’t suck (that’s me being optimistic):
- Burger King – Exit 4 – Fastest drive-thru in town. Never done me wrong yet.
Krystal – Exit 4 – Fast, good, done. Free Wi-Fi for all you poor people with laptops.
Arby’s – Exit 4 – Fast, correct…but it’s Arby’s. Where the hell did the baked potato go?
Taco Bell – Exit 4 – Consistently mistake-laden, lacking the menu of other Taco Bells, food looks like it was made by an amputee.
Taco Bell – Ft. Campbell Blvd. – I call it the “Good Taco Bell”. Larger menu (for larger people), quick and made right. WTG faux-Mexicans!
KFC – Wilma Rudolph – Last time I went here, they ran out of potatoes and extra crispy chicken and couldn’t take a credit card. Obviously they got their business strategy from the KFC in Tripoli, Libya.
Dairy Queen – Wilma Rudolph – Everyone is friendly, and the food is right. Nice atmosphere (for fast food). Always cold as balls in there though.
Subway – Wilma Rudolph – Melancholy employees make adequate subs. Story at 11. Cheap and quick no matter how packed they are, so that’s a plus.
Steak N’ Shake – Wilma Rudolph – Everything made correctly. Slow (but at least they actually tell you this on their sign).
Fazoli’s – Wilma Rudolph – Check your food, as they screw up a lot. Lemons are sometimes moldy. When it’s done right, it’s cheap (for Italian) and adequate.
Zaxby’s – Wilma Rudolph – Good food, relatively fast. Winner winner, chicken dinner.
Chik-fil-a – Gov Square Mall – The food is relatively quick and made correctly. But you’re at the mall. Sucks to be you.
Long John Silver’s – Wilma Rudolph – Pretty quick, good service. I still wish they’d bring back the giant fish nets that hang from the ceiling. At least I get a free pirate hat.
McDonald’s – Exit 4 – Sucks 2 left nuts. Piss-poor service. How do you fuck up a Big Mac? Never give you napkins. Put heavy food on top of light food to crush it. Ding! Fries are done!
McDonald’s – Exit 11 – Adequate, they can read and understand basic directions, YAY! You’re order will potentially be right!
Jack In the Box – 24 hour availability, correct and cheapish, yippee. I like that they have the calories for every item on the menu so I can see how fast I’m dying.
McDonald’s – Ft. Campbell Blvd. – You can tell everyone here hates their job. That’s fine, I hate the job you do too.
Wendy’s – Tiny Town Rd. – Only went here once. Will only eat here once. Yeah, these guys made my food like a blind elementary school cafeteria worker. Sloppy and slow, like your mom.
Quiznos – Warfield Blvd. – The “good” Quiznos. Friendly people make the food like it looks in the friggin’ picture. Thanks!