So Mrs. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner is pictured above. She was arrested Saturday night with 10 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, simply because she was allegedly providing a cool hangout for kids to drink tasty beverages and discuss the GOP primaries. Thirty or so people were hanging out, and some of them just HAPPENED to be under 18. Some of those under 18 just HAPPENED to be intoxicated and under the influence of drugs.

There also just HAPPENED to be symbols for a local street gang…but I doubt it! I’m sure they were just trying to come up with a new logo for Clarksville’s coolest over-40 mother. SHE’S PARTY MOM!

Feel free to change the lyrics to LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem” with our new karaoke lyrics written below next time you head out to High Notes…

Party mom is in da’ house tonight
Every teenager gon’ have a good time
And she gon’ probably do some time
Every teenager gon’ have a good time

Party mom is in da’ house tonight
Every teenager gon’ have a good time
And she gon’ probably do some time
She just wanna see ya…drink that

In the house with party mom, lookin’ to escort you to the prom
Prescription pills and Jager Bombs, she just baked cookies?? NOM NOM NOM
You just want Kool-Aid? Sorry bro, she wearing mom jeans with a camel toe
She got a tramp stamp in Mexico, what’s for dinner? Domino’s

Yo, she beating all these tweens at Nintendo
Bought some Bartles and James, no need to pretend-o
She’s party mom, yeah, there’s no need to knock her
Gotta wake up by 9 to take her kids to soccer,

Party mom is in da’ house tonight
Every teenager gon’ have a good time
And she gon’ probably do some time
Every teenager gon’ have a good time

Party mom is in da’ house tonight
Every teenager gon’ have a good time
And she gon’ probably do some time
She just wanna see ya…drink that

Everyday I’m Contributing (to the delinquency of a minor)…

AND SO ON.. AND SO ON…

Customized license plates from the Governor’s Square Mall!!!

At first I was only going to point out “Jimbo’s”, but they’re all pretty damn amazing aren’t they?

First we have Sissy, which I thought was a term of endearment for a sister. But apparently it’s a name of someone’s dog, probably named after the owner’s real sister stole all of their crystal meth ingredients.

We have Jimbo’s plate, which features a deer on a rebel flag. Is this plate implying that if the south had won the Civil War we’d have deer slaves? Because that’s friggin’ sweet. I want to command a deer to run my enemies through, then make me a delicious mint julip on a hot day.

Jeff and Kara celebrate their love for each other, as well as their love of the General Lee jumping over a gully.

I like to pretend that the deer is very slowly calling out to Brad on this plate. “Braaaaaaaaad…come and shoot me Braaaaaaaaad.” Maybe the deer is whispering it in Brad’s ear after it breaks into his home and watches him sleep.

So, once again Clarksville. It’s never too late for love. Although if you’re going to buy your present at the mall, it’s probably a little too late to get something classy.

First of all, best place to advertise is obviously on the inside of a shopping cart. You’re walking through the store, only able to afford ramen and your child’s tears. Suddenly you realize that if you “slip” on a cherry tomato in produce, you can sue the shit out of Kroger’s. Soon you’re bruised hip will afford you all the Big K Cola that you can fit in your gullet.

But beyond all that, let’s look at this photo a little more…

Yes, a hard-hitting quad team of lawyers, ready to defend you from ex-wives wanting alimony or police wanting you to suffer for accidentally driving drunk through a farmer’s market. But what’s up with…

Perry Mason steals your soul.

Mega lawyer here is all business. Either he’s the biggest fan (lol big) of Perry Mason, or he lost a bet. Either, I wouldn’t f’ with the friggin’ grizzly bear of law. He’ll fix

Blurry 80's memories not included

Any thoughts on this? I’ve got a couple…

First let’s cover the good thing about this sale. Joe Heitz Toyota always seemed like an enigma of a dealer. Toyota is a ginormous automaker, but our local always seemed a little small. We never really caried their Scion line of cars, and the building seemed to be stuck in the mid-nineties.

Now that the Wal-Mart of car dealers have taken over, we’re sure to see more cars, a new layer of paint, and some new sales to get some interest. Oh, and I’m sure we’ll also get a big ass blinking sign talking about now they love America, the military, and baking apple pie while a naked Betsy Ross watches from the other side of the room.

As for the negative side, well I’m sure not everyone who worked for Joe will be happy changing managers. Then again, maybe he was a dick…I don’t know. I do know that he was happy to roll out for a large enough check.

Also, if you like competition or maybe just don’t like Wyatt Johnson, then you’ve just lost a little choice, haven’t you? I’ve read mostly good things about WJ. But like every business out there, we know the guy that can’t stand whatever you’re talking about. A bad repair, a shady sale, or an apathetic clerk can ruin your rep forever. Well except ClarksvilleWTF’s rep, which has been in the shitter since day one.

I found this pic looking for "Wyatt Johnson"...wtf.

But all in all, it should be interesting to see some upgrades. Hopefully no one gets fired…but then again it is just car sales. They’re basically the spooge moppers of the auto industry–thankless job, customers hate you and avoid eye contact, come home with weird sticky liquids on your clothes…but I digress.

Yeah you can trust them...

Well, Clarksville’s favorite punching bag shut down, but had one last get together on Saturday. We had to roll up and see what was going on. Here’s the result…

G’bye!

With all that in mind, here’s our little going away video for Ryan’s Steakhouse. It borrows the chorus from Ryan’s “Whadja Get?” campaign. But we certainly tried to make it our own. At least there’s still Golden Corral, right?

First of all, I’ve GOT to start watching Breaking Bad…

Oddly enough, not arrested for meth.

But this next one brings back so much nostalgia from one of my favorite movies…

IT’S NIGEL FUKKIN’ TUFNEL FROM SPINAL TAP!

Yes, that mugshot definitely went to ’11′. I do appreciate that the shirt is still sexy like a wildcat at a bootleg bar in Elkton.

…and although this last one doesn’t look like anyone on TV, I just love that this young lady was arrested for stalking, yet made this face:

Oh wait, we just received a photo moments before the arrest!

But it turns out that less than half the people that went through APSU’s program are going to be working at the Hemlock Semiconductor plant this year. Wait, what’s that?

WSMV-TV (RIP Bill Hall) revealed that only 35 out of 84 students have been picked up by Hemlock, according to Austin Peay State University estimates. The prez of APSU, Tim Hall, said that 10 other grads have picked up employment with other companies. Presumably these companies will utilize their chemical engineering skills (i.e. mixing vinegar and oil to create delicious salad dressings at O’Charley’s).

Hemlock themselves didn’t want to talk to WSMV on camera (but then again who would want to f’ with Demetria), but did say that employment was not guaranteed.

So…much like people that went to clown college in the 80′s thinking “Circus of the Stars” was just the beginning to America’s renewed love affair with big tops, Clarksville area residents have been roped into the fanfare for the upcoming Hemlock plant. Beginning with the last mayor and governor (Piper and Bredesen), Clarksville’s love affair with solar power panels has been unstoppable.

Answer me this, will you be installing solar panels on your home this year? Don’t half-ass an answer, talking about saving the environment when you don’t believe in using the tech yourself. There may be a day when it’s affordable for you and me, but that ain’t today. Despite this fact, we’re hoping this great white hope saves the Clarksville job market and makes us a mega-force to be reckoned with. We hope everyone else invests in technology we don’t necessarily want yet.

"GUARANTEED FORTUNES!"

In the meantime, people are getting degrees that won’t get them a job where they expected. But that’s not any different than most college grads, is it? Well, that’s unless you’re doing nursing or education, but that’s not the point. I think that there was a huge misconception about what the HSC and APSU partnership was going to do. People went in thinking that they would automatically be on the ground floor of the fancy new factory, ready to be the next boat marina millionaire.

It’s not so different from responding to an ad in the newspaper looking for “YOUNG ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE 18-25 FOR MODELING”, not knowing that all you’ll be doing is traveling in a black van trying to sell magazines door-to-door. At least it was only two years.

On the plus side, they might be able to get a comparable job NOT in Clarksville. If that’s the case, then win/win, right?

BUT HERE’S SOME PICS!

Justin Bieber in 25 years???

Seriously, only an ascot would have made this photo better…

Love yo’ cookies brotha!

Just two average party girls–wait, or are they…

GODZILLA AND KING GHIDORAH, I KNEW IT!!!

“Please come home dad. Mom hates it when you drink because you work at Arby’s…”

BUMP IT (off this planet).

Precious and Urkel discuss the South Carolina Republican debates.

Well that’s all for today. Enjoy your midweek revelry Clarksville!